Poland, flogging and Oscar - winning songs.

-Why you’re back just for a week?

-Yeah, I should get back for forever,  work for dad, get married to Him, have some babies and end up like you!

The second these words came out of my mouth I regretted them. It’s now the way you’re supposed to talk to your mother.

I yelled, because she exactly hit the spot. Living happily ever after with an Ex in the Polish picturesque countryside. Seeing my sisters growing up. Enjoying a full fridge. With this sunshine, this shade of overpowering green it’s just so tempting.

Back in UK, my sister asked me on the phone if we’re gonna watch “Frozen” together. She said it’s gonna be so much fun. I could barely keep my mouth shut not to explain, that my recent definition of fun involves ropes, some flogging and a lover twice my age covered in tattoos.

But here- I’ve seen the film with her and it was fun. We ate fresh cherries from my grandparents garden and the next day I had one long plait and her two of them. And I couldn’t help singing “Let it go”.

I’ve got back to my old habits like eating too much, passing out after not even 250 ml of vodka, smoking on the balcony and watching stars – all of them visible here. And in relation far too complicated to even try to explain.

5 days to go. Just hope I won’t forget, that I want more from life that swimming in lakes and getting wasted with people I know for ages… Or maybe I don't?