Entropy, running shoes and Universe’s messengers

A couple of weeks ago I got myself a pair of extremely ugly sport shoes, believing that I could use my natural instinct of running away from the problems and reality and make a work out out of it. And I did, only once before I left form Poland. Not taking them there truly defined my trip.

In one of the first episodes of “True Detective” Rust Cohle (Matthew McConaughey’s character) gives a little speech about time being an illusion created by human mind not to go crazy. That all the events are taking place at the same time and over and over again. During the week in my home town I felt like I was the only one not blinded by that convenient illusion. Funny moments from 5 years behind were still being brought up, the conversations echoed still alive in our minds.

I met my ex kindda girlfriend for a coffee. We smoked cigarettes and talked about our art. She’s an extremely talented painter, who recently changed her style. I felt bad that the only thing I could say was:

-I thought I was a relationship person and given up my research and now, instead of a complex, outrageous novel that could make me a Burroughs of 21^st century, I’ve got a fairy tale on 20 pages, that can’t be classified as a short story or any other shit.

When the pressure was off the conversation simply flew and she reminded me of one thing. I’m not a regular girl. I’m the girl, who pisses people off by using ‘fabulous’ too much and does ‘spectacular’ stuff to forget about mortality.

There was no choice left, but to drink vodka that night. A really bad choice as it turned out later.

I was pretty drunk, but ex-girlfriend of my kindda ex-boyfriend was even prettier. In both ways. She was about to get signed with an extremely prestigious modelling agency.

-And I owe it all to you!

-What? – I emptied my glass of vodka and pinacolada mix.

-You once said to every day stand naked in front of the mirror for a while and tell yourself that you’re beautiful. That if you believe it, the world won’t have much of a choice.

I had to make myself another drink.

-When was it?

-2 years ago or so?

Yes, that explained everything. Back then, I had faith in myself and my creations- including high self-esteem. The truth is London made me get down on my knees and gave nothing in return. It made me humble, but deep inside I’m not. What do humble people get out of this life after all?

If I took my running shoes it would rule my daily routine. I would get up in the morning and explore gorgeous landscapes, keep on the track I’ve chosen for myself back in UK. Thanks to staying open to messengers, the track changed a bit. So, let’s do something spectacular. Shall we?