Home, bikini top and polyamory.

Home, bikini top and polyamory.

Feeling guilty about my little “I’m not a monogamist. I’m just not.” speech, I couldn’t ask M&M’s guy for help.

As a result I took two train trips to London and back to get all of my stuff from the old place. The first one back felt great – I was independent and fabulous. The second – I’ve never been so miserable in my life. I cried on the train and I wasn’t sure why. 

a)    I could no longer pretend to be a relationship person. And I had no official boyfriend to carry the bags for me.

b    b)  I pretended to be one at all. No guy with a car felt grateful for a recent orgasm to pick up me and my bags and drive it safely to Surrey.

Anyway. Even my stuff doesn’t live in London anymore. I’m forced to call my new house home.

I told the boy, that it’s more about having a moral permission to sleep with someone but him, not using that permission. Putting it into today’s context, it’s total bullshit. I had a shoot with my Biker planned ages ago and I was dying to get some proper head from a man. Not a boy.

And so, posing on Harley in shorts with US flag pattern and bikini top had never had such a pleasant finish.

-You’ve been in a long term relationship, haven’t you?

-Well, I’m technically still married.

-Is it normal for sex to get boring?

And then he introduced the notion of polyamory to me. We liked each other instantly.

-It’s hard to get everything from one person and some people have such huge hearts that loving just one person is not enough.

I feel so liberated right now. Not only there are other people out there feeling the same way – loving or fancying many creatures at the same time and with different shades of affection- but also there are so many, that the shit in our head had been labeled.

Putting my panties back on I saw a text from M&M’s guy asking what I was doing. Send 3 hours before.

On my way back, he informed me that he has some Danish girl over. I can’t read in any other way, but as an attempt to make me jealous. Since he said he was fine with not being exclusive such a childish behavior really surprised me. But I came too many times to care today. Maybe some other time. 

Sorry for a cliche: