Pills, adults and 12-year-olds in red heels

Last Saturday I went out drinking with two law school graduates and felt like a kid with fake ID in over 21 club about to get spotted by security thrown out on a pavement. At least until the third glass of rose.

My age and other factors seem to make me a grown up, but I don’t feel that way. I think I refuse to think of myself that way.

Here is a list of things one I thought would magically turn me into an adult:

1.      1. Heels

My first pair purchased at the age of 12. Red peep toes bought with an allowance from my grandma and kept a secret from my parents. Witnesses to loads of immature behaviors and my Polish Final Oral Exam. I scored the total on my presentation about differences in Carlo Marx character in “On the road” the book and the movie. In those really inappropriate shoes showing no respect to the headmaster marking me.

2.       2,Make up…

… was forbidden in my house until I finished middle school. And moved out. Depraved of the period when other girls discover it and experiment I lost my interest later on. As a result I can’t really do it and kind of avoid it. At this point playing with foundation, powder and mascara everyday made me feel old.

3.   3. Living alone

I moved out when I was 16 and soon I began to hate the posh high school, chosen because of the level of teaching not the brands wore by my schoolmates. Anyway I consider this liberated time the best in my life so far, because of the people I met in halls. My head teacher used to say that never again will we have that much time for friendships. Unfortunately she was right. Getting back to leaving alone, I got used to taking care of myself and a certain level of responsibility. But I’m facing laundry crisis every now and then and have to take no panties as the best panties, just because there are no clean ones left.

4.    4.   ID

I remember buying my first cigarettes with my first ID and that feeling of ruling the world. In my opinion “ID” stands for “independence daily”. Who cares that you can get a fine or vote now? It’s the time of buying booze without the hassle and being let into the club. For me it was the year of the heaviest partying. After a year I got bored.

However I get IDed all the time, which is especially embarrassing when out with older guys.

5.     5.  Pill

I went on it because of medical reasons, but waited two month before starting the first one. Being responsible enough to do something on a daily basis, at the same hour, no matter where I was or the mood I was in, simply terrified me. That kind of commitment constituted an adult for me.

Yeah. What happened? The extremely low risk of getting pregnant lead to extremely risky sexual behavior.

Now, what I miss and grown-ups have is a job. But I’m not sure if it will make me feel any more mature. The last job I had was officially catering for people on kayaking trips. In reality it meant riding through woods in Toyota hilux and screaming out loud songs from Disney films with a friend.