Art hurts?
I'm slowly finding my buzz as a creator, but end up letting my model mind take over every time I envision my next venture.
And so, instead of ripping out my 5 years experience as an object of people's art I decided to use it to my advantage. Follow the tradition of women in art that were both creators and materials of their self-expression. From Marina Abramovic through Cindy Sherman to Alina Szapocznikow.
A year ago I moved back to Poland with a wallet full of plastic cards with my name printed on them. Student ID, Cineworld Card, Barclays debit. All of them at some point was a proof of my identity.
Testing bank accounts in December I gained yet another collection. Colourful rectangles with my full legal name on them - perfect for stop motion animation.
As I'm more and more interested in value and deep thoughts behind what I devote my time to I came up with the sequence of those cards covering my face and becoming a mask. Taking control over their owner.
Animating the cards I can deal with, but creating a plastic mask I needed help. A friend made a cast my face last week.
My skin was well isolated from the plaster. Eye lashes despite a thick layer of night cream got caught in the mask. I had a choice - destroy the work or get over the pain. Pulling out those little hairs from your eyelids hurts, sure. But it's nothing compared to the fear of looking unattractive for an eternally vain creature I am.
That evening I had two moments that made my heart stop. First, realising that the plaster won't came off my face without the eyelashes. Second, before seeing myself in a mirror.
The physical pain was strong, it was the fear that had the most impact. Mind going on and on about the dangers of being ugly. Of getting rid of that pretty privilege I've been taking advantage all my life.
Art doesn't hurt. Vanity does.
Here is a crowdfunding page for my art video project. I'd be glad for any support, even spreading the link around.
Love,
Em
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