Small talk, Girl on Girl and career choices.

A number of seemingly unrelated things in my life turn out to be strongly connected with each other. Small talk and having sex with girls for example. Put my heart and soul in trying, but just can’t do it.

I swear, the next time someone approaches me during a break half way through life drawing classes and asks:

-So, are you some kind of artist yourself?

I will look them in the eye and say:

-No, I just need the money to feed my 5 year-old daughter, because my brother and her father is currently in jail and wouldn’t let me go back to prostitution.

I went over this a couple of months ago, but I still am frustrated with not being able to describe myself (as any specific kind of artist or an artist at all).

Up to this point my life had been packed with love affairs – two kinds of them: boys and future professions. Passionate, full of affection at first, comfy in the middle and then somehow abandoned.

Each break up was much more about the possible affection for what is still out there not being burned out. Now I feel as if everything I’ve ever decided not to peruse painfully reminds me of it’s existence.

I decided to go over some of those adventures in separate posts. For my meditation and your entertainment.  J