On Lena Durham, adulthood and exhibitionism

Latest eating disorder I’ve developed like having bipolar stomach. Broke, I’d rather spend my last pennies on coffee than on cheap carbs and when any money comes in, Dominos “feed 4 for 5 pounds each” comes into my bedroom and stays usually for the whole season of some show. 

That happened today. The tiny rain in the morning successfully prevented me from leaving my bed to get some reasonable shopping and having watched an interview with Lena Durham last night I’ve sent whole day with pizza and “Girls”. Somewhere between 7^th and 8^th episode (or 7^th and 8^th slice was it?) an overwhelming laziness took me into it’s possession and suddenly attending life drawing class I got book for seemed so pointless and impossible.

But I turned up. Like an adult. Responsible adult. Or rather 20-year-old child posing as an adult.

The first decent sleep I had in days occurred during 25-minute pose. My body apparently considers being naked, not allowed to move and watched by a room full of strangers a secure environment. And my bed on the other hand – a proper battle field of my thoughts with my other thoughts.

A typical comment on life drawing classes comes from a female and goes more or less like this: “You’re so brave!” Repeating after Lena: it’s not bravery if you’re not afraid to do something in the first place. I honestly think, pardon me being raised catholic, that I was born without original sin and if it wasn’t for social norms and current weather I wouldn’t wear clothes at all. Especially, because I simply look much better without them.

Today, one of the artists asked me a question. The question I’m so scared of that I hardly left my room for the past weeks.

-What do you do?

My typical answer – my boyfriend – is not true at the moment. Not that I lack one, I’ve found my soul mate this summer and added a serious relationship to the list of grown-up imposter enterprises. But is a long distance or more accurately: Skype based relation at the minute and I’m forced to take care of myself.

What do I do? Blogging, script writing, fiction writing, filmmaking degree, life and photo modeling. If that wasn’t enough as an effect of post-Game of Thrones constant turn on syndrome I’m thinking about taking up acting again.

And that’s the thing – I don’t expect people to sink in everything I do, but when I mention e.g. filmmaking first, writing gets forgotten instantly and that’s a shame, because it’s not less important to me.

Anyway, there is a party in my house right now, I’d better get drunk.

P.S.

Under Lena’s influence I’ll be tweeting updates on latest post. It’s about time to grow up and learn to use social media, right?

Oh, I’m here.